Hopes and fears

In this blog post I will be talking about some of my hopes for what I want to achieve post degree and some of the fears I have.

Unlike some of the others on my course my aim isn’t to go into editorial illustration, instead I’m building a brand which has been the goal even before I took this degree. The course has helped me come up with new ways to do this and has also let me see what alternative paths I could have taken. It sounds like I’m just set in my ways but I can tell you I have given each avenue suggested to me plentiful consideration. I have come to the conclusion building my own brand is the best way to get to get my work to its intended audience and maintain my artistic integrity while doing so. With my style of working I can’t wait around for art directors see that my style does have a place in their publications.

 One of my hopes is that I will become a better salesperson; it’s something I will need to work on. The course has helped me build confidence in my work, now I just need to become more socially confident. One of my fears is I could set up my brand in the wrong way since I don’t know much in terms of registering a business and how small businesses are taxed. To remedy this fear I intend to take a short course in business to help me market and properly set up my brand, since I’m not going down a more traditional illustration route there are gaps in my knowledge that need to be filled.

The course has also helped me step out of my comfort zone before I would have been hesitant to email people but now I find it a lot easier and know that the skill will be necessary to contact stockists.  Due to my anxiety I would often catastrophize things like sending an email or asking someone to give me feedback on my work but through repetition it’s getting easier. This takes me onto a fear of mine I’m afraid my anxiety will get in the way of potential opportunities, there are techniques I have learned to help with my anxiety through the past few years which will hopefully help me in this regard.

Another hope of mine is that through my brand I can help de-stigmatize mental illness and work with mental health charities to help fund services for people suffering from mental illness and raise awareness of what people can do to help those who struggle with mental illness. Mental health is a subject I have often brought forth in my practice and I fully intend to continue to do that outside of university.

I think a lot of people leaving art and design courses have a fear of getting sucked into jobs not related to their preferred field, I can say that in my case I’m not scared of having to pick up a day job to support what I want to do. If anything I’m actually looking forward to having that experience. I don’t think I will ever be able to stop making work which is why I don’t feel threatened by having to do other things to get by. Being an illustrator is not a stable job which scared me a lot at the beginning but I’m not limited to just being an illustrator. With that I don’t fear failure because I will never stop trying and that’s the only true way to fail.

The fear I have had is that my direction is a lot more fluid than others; it can come across as me not knowing where I am going because there is not as many boundaries to what I can do. There is no need for me to limit myself to just doing t-shirts, prints or books. The thing about creating a brand is you can explore many different outcomes under that umbrella instead of limiting myself to just illustrating other peoples book or articles. Creating my own content suits me better otherwise most of the time it feels like I’m forcing my style to match up with content that it doesn’t go with.

Contacting Clients: What I have learned

Contacting clients even over email has been one of the most nerve wracking things I have had to do on this course. It's one of those things the more I have done it the easier it has become, and looking back to the first client I personally contacted (because my Dad did contact someone he has connections with on my behalf) the email I sent could have been better.

 I could have sold myself more and been more confident in my work, I could have maybe benefited by being a bit more laid back and not being so straight to the point. I have taken time to look at all of the galleries directors, aims and artwork on display and in their archives, and I have learned how to reflect that in my emails.

It has also been a lesson in rejection, currently I have had no responses but I haven't let that demotivate me if anything it has made me try harder and develop a thicker skin. I stand by my choices on who I have tried to make contact with. I don't doubt that my work would at very least be interesting to them if they would have given me a chance. But I will have to get used to the fact not everyone will give me a chance and if they do my artwork won't be of interest to everyone. It is nothing personal it is just how it is.

The problem I have found in regards to contacting the right people is that what I do is very niche and there's a limit to how many professionals I can find which may be interested in that niche. That is the nature of the beast sadly when you develop a style like mine. Call me stubborn but I'm not going to change my style just so I can have an easier time, my artistic integrity personally is the most important thing to me when it comes to creating work.

It might turn out that I get no responses whatsoever and I don't get the feedback I need. But it hasn't been in vain I have learned a lot about what I should expect and be prepared for when I leave. It may not be the lesson that was intended when this task was set but at least it is something.

Future self: Grief Project

Future self: Grief Project 

My future self project is about grief and the grieving process and specifically helping children and young teens recognize where they are emotionally in the process. This will help aid parents and maybe even school counsellors.

My initial idea was to make a book based off a poem I was writing about the stages of grief, but upon further research I found breaking it down into a linear clear cut process for example

1. Denial 
2. Anger 
3. Bargaining 
4. Depression 
5. Acceptance

Can actually do more harm than good.

No one experiences loss in the same way. Some people might skip certain emotional states, some might experience additional emotions and some may revisit certain stages. I don't want my work to pigeonhole people into believing there is only one correct way of grieving. The only incorrect way of grieving is not letting yourself go through the process. So keeping this in mind I reconsidered the book and/or booklet idea because it is too linear, and I have been considering making cards instead. I am still fine tuning how they are going to work but right now I am thinking of having 3 types of cards.

• Character cards
• Tip cards 
• Blank cards

Character cards will have a personification of the emotion for example Anger on them with the name of the emotion. The child will pick out the card/s which reflects how they are feeling, the descriptions of each emotion will be listed in a booklet which will come with the cards. Parents can get their children to redraw everyday or the children can display the cards on the fridge, their bedroom door, on a notice board ect and change them when they feel the need.

Tip cards are for what the child can do to experience the emotion in a healthy way, for example anger can cause problems if not dealt with correctly especially with school age children and teens.

Blank cards are for if the child or teen is experiencing an emotion that isn't on any of the pre existing cards. I'm including these because as I said everyone experiences loss differently and I want to try and keep all bases covered.

What kind of grief are these cards for?

I wanted to keep the cards so they can be used in any situation that involves loss. This could be loss of a pet, loss of a friendship or relationship, familial breakdown (divorce) and the loss of family members.

Other outcomes?

The other outcomes I want to make are

• Booklets
• Stickers 
• Rag dolls
• Clothing/Textiles

Days of hope

Saatchi & Saatchi launched a campaign called 'Days of hope' in 2013 to raise the profile of increasing homelessness in major cities across Europe. I have been looking at a lot of Saatchi related artists for my dissertation which is project based.

This video highlights the struggle that homeless people face in winter, with the homeless population rising I feel this kind of campaign would be effective here in Britain.   

Difficulty getting interviews

I have lost count of the amount of artists I have tried to contact just to name a few who have not replied Erik Jones, Glenn Arthur and Camilla D'errico who said she would answer my questions and never got back then I contacted an artist I have bought artwork form before called Destiny Blue  and this is what I got back.

Any responses other than answering my questions was pointing me towards a previously done Q&A or an FAQ.

Also a lot of artists I wanted to contact didn't have a contact email that I could find and on there facebook pages had taken off the option to inbox them. I am starting to feel very apprehensive about if I will get my final interview and if they interviews I have done will be seen as being suitable. I have tried my best in interview people who's work inspires me but they seem quite hard to get a hold of. 

Police Cadets and Ethical Issues

While doing the anti bullying animation I had to reconsider a lot of the content I wanted to cover. I wanted to focus on the aftermath of bullying which would be that kids who are bullied are at more at risk to mental health problems such as

Depression
Panic disorder
Anxiety especially Social Anxiety
Body Dysmorphia
Paranoia

and more
Serious cases of bullying have even lead to the victim taking their own life.

But due to the 10-11 age range it would not be suitable for them, I got around this by hinting at it by using metaphors in my animation.

Instead I made a zine that would be for the parents that would talk about some of these issues.

What I am working on

At them moment I am working on a test animation for my university project. The finished animation will be part of a larger animation that will be shown in schools to raise awareness about bullying. This animation will be aimed at 10-11 year olds, as you can imagine we are having to keep the content of our animations tame. I'm doing this by using metaphors.

I am trying to go for a mixed media approach, I want my backgrounds to be mostly traditionally made while my character has been created digitally. I have tried my best with this project to retain my signiture style for the most part which often doesn't come though in my uni projects.

The other thing I am working on in conjunction with the animation is an illustrated booklet/zine to be handed out to the kids as a help guide and will also include an insight to how the animation was made. In this I want to include a section for parents with ways they can help their kids if they are being bullied. Most of my advice has come from real life experience with bullying. Sadly I know without the schools support bullying is hard to combat using non violent means which is unfortunate. The best way to combat bullying is to find the root of the problem and I want to encourage bullies to find other ways of dealing with their frustrations.

Ideas for the booklet

-Statistics
I'm trying to keep these at a minimum as not to bore the kids, but still include enough to inform parents.

-Advice
Things that worked for me, helping the kids stand up for themselves without the need for violence. Giving kids suggestions in how to project their frustrations in more health and constructive ways.

-Unused case studies
I have based my animation on how it feels to be bullied instead of a case study I think it will be more effective. With case studies you have to chose one which isn't too tame but isn't too extreme, I was finding it hard to find a suitable case study so I decided basing it on the emotional struggle would be a better approach since the others working on the project are focusing on case studies.

- Activities
I'm thinking of including activities to help kids express themselves in a none harmful way. And maybe even include activities to encourage children to help out other kids they believe are being bullied.

Astigmatism

This is a more personal post but hopefully an insightful one, on Monday the 3rd of November 2014 I went to the opticians for the first time in 8 years. I left it 8 years because up to the age of 12 I had eye tests regularly and never had any problems, up until the last few years when I noticed I was having trouble with bus numbers.

So I booked an appointment and found out I have an Astigmatism. Astigmatisms are common and most don't need any correction but my astigmatism requires correction in the form of glasses or contacts. My astigmatism is 180.00 in my right eye and 5.00 in my left, the optician said this is something I have probably always had but it has gotten worse without correction.

In primary school the teachers were convinced I had dyslexia due to issues with reading, spelling, maths and to some degree just communicating in general. Most of these things I have found through my excessive amounts of googling maybe typical for people who have an uncorrected severe astigmatism. The more I thought about it the more everything fell into place.

• Teachers always commenting that I wasn't paying enough attention.
• My terrible hand eye coordination and balance.
• My troubles with stairs, uneven ground and jumping from small heights.
• How hard it was to focus on reading books and subtitles.
• When my friends pointed out something right infront of my face I could never see it.
• How often I would just feel like all my senses were overloaded.

An astigmatism is caused by the eye/s being more rugby ball shaped rather than spherical, this causes the eye to focus on two different point instead of both eyes focusing on one point. This makes it harder to process information because the brain is taking in two completely different points and trying to fill in the blanks.

One of my first reactions was one of anger, I had been put through so many tests to try and prove I had some form of learning disability, I was put in classes with children who needed extra help which brought down myself esteem. I was told in primary and my first secondary school they didn't expect me to pass a single GCSE due to my unidentified "learning difficulties". And then it turns out all a long if I had been given a proper eye test and an early age that could all have been avoided. People I have spoken to who have the same thing had glasses for it when they were barely out of nappies.

It was a smack in the face in a way, I had been struggling all these years to find out I didn't have to struggle at all. As much as it is a relief to have my glasses and to finally be able to function correctly, it still angers me that none thought to check earlier. Why would you not think to check? If  you think a child isn't taking in information as they should that maybe the eyes could be the key to the problem. 

Now for the exciting things about having my astigmatism corrected.

• I can pay more attention rather than  have my brain trying to make sense of everything I'm seeing at the same time.
• My hand eye coordination and balance will probably get a lot better.
• I have noticed already stairs don't swim around like they used to.
• Reading has become a lot easier.
• I have been a lot less fatigued at the end of the day.
• I have no idea how this will effect my drawings I presume it will effect them in a good way or there maybe some regression before I get the hang of it again. I have already drawn somethings but they haven't been overly complex so I couldn't see much difference. 

I think it will be very interesting to see how I progress now I have my glasses, I have heard people like me who have only had their astigmatism picked up as an adult say that glasses changed their life. I guess I will find out over time if that will be the case.